In Genesis 38 we find the story of Tamar and Judah. The story is introduced by letting the reader know that Judah met “the daughter of a certain Caananite.” In predictable fashion, we don’t get to know her name, only her father’s and then the names of the three sons she bears. The text tells us that “Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn” and that her name was Tamar. Seemingly Er and Tamar have no say in this, and there isn’t even a sense that Tamar’s family is involved in the selection. This could be that they weren’t involved, but it also might be becuase the writer doesn’t think it important to mention whether or not they were involved.
Er dies. The text tells us that he was wicked and so YHWH put him to death. We don’t get any details about how or why he was wicked. No explanation, just reporting of the outcome.
So, Tamar is married off to Onan, Judah’s second son. This seems to be what is called a levirate marriage (levir being the Latin word for husband’s brother). Levirate marriages are only mentioned a few times across the Bible (Deut 25:5-10; Ruth 3:9 and Matthew 22). In a levirate marriage, a widow can be married to their dead husbands brother and any children born to the ex-widow are attributed to the dead husband and continue his family line. You can see how this might not be very appealing to the second husband who wants their own children to inherit the family blessings and fortune.
The story tells us that Onan deliberately practised the withdrawal method of birth control so Tamar would not concieve. YHWH isn’t very happy with this so Onan gets killed off also. The text doesn’t tell us that either of these deaths were Tamar’s fault in anyway, but it does tell us that Judah is worried his third son will also die if he is married off to Tamar. The text doesn’t directly blame Tamar, but it excuses Judah’s behaviour through telling the reader his fears for his remaining son. So, Tamar is sent back to her father’s house where she will not cause Judah any more trouble.
In time, Judah’s wife dies and we still don’t learn her name as she is once again referred to only in relation to who her husband and father are. Judah mourns her for the requisite time and then goes off to “shear his sheep.” Tamar is told of the plans and so she goes to the road where she can observe what happens. She sees that the third son has grown up and realises that Judah has not fulfilled his requirement to allow her to be married again.
I think if I was Tamar, I might be a bit wary of staying connected to this family who haven’t done the right thing by her ever since her first husband died unexpectedly. However, she probably has very limited options. Maybe she is wary. Maybe she is furious. Maybe she is just desperate. The text doesn’t tell us how she is feeling, just that she has put on a veil and wrapped herself up to observe from the side of the road.
Verse 15 is really important. It says
When Judah saw her, he thought her to be a prostitute, for she had covered her face.
Not Tamar dressed as a sex-worker or positioning herself as one. But Judah who decides she is a sex-worker and propositions her. They decide on the price, complete the transaction and return to their own lives. Commentaries often condemn Tamar for her behaviour here, or at the very least suggest that she is complicit in drawing Judah into an illicit sexual liason. However the text does not say that. There is nothing in the text to suggest that there is anything wrong with this pairing or with the actions they perform. There is only a problem when Judah finds out Tamar is pregnant. And this is probably becuase it reflects badly on him who has failed to look after her, rather than for an inherent concern for her or the babies she is carrying.
No small amount of Christian rhetoric will tell you that the only licit sex happens within a marriage relationship. However, throughout history lots of people have been having sex outside of marriage, and not just those engaging sex-workers. Historically, those who have enough money or who have land holdings to protect require a marriage certificate so they can ensure the inheritance goes to the correct person. But for those who aren’t in this position marriage can be a luxury they can’t afford.
The head of the house-hold could have sex with anyone underneath them - male or female - and that was considered their right. They certainly weren’t married to all of them. Those people further down the social chain would not have been celibate and I would suggest that most people didn’t care until there was a baby to be taken care of. This happens still today.
Tamar being pregnant means that Judah is responsible for the baby. Judah is told that Tamar has '“prostituted herself” (v24) which should be understood as a general figure of speech about ilicit sex rather than her having engaged in sex-work as we might understand it today. Judah declares that Tamar should be burned. (A woman who has enjoyed sex must be a witch, right?) However, Tamar lets Judah know that he is the one who has fathered the children she is carrying.
Judah says:
She is more in the right than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah. (v26)
When Tamar is thought to have had sex with a random, she is spoken of as being a prostitute and threated with murder. When it is Judah who has engaged a prostitute, the main issue is that she cannot be found to complete the transaction payment. This is what misogyny looks like in the text.
When Tamar is treated as lesser becuase she had sex, but Judah’s behaviour is accepted - this is what misogyny looks like in commentaries and Christian rhetoric. Nothing in the text says explicitly that the sexual interaction betwen Judah and Tamar is a problem. Nothing in the text condemns this act of extra-marital sex, but there is condemnation of Tamar when there is evidence she has had sex. This double standard continues today in the way women are judged for unplanned pregnancies in a way men are not.
I think it’s also worth noting that the text does not condemn the practise of sex-work. It is taken as a given that Judah can engage a sex-worker on the road. However, when applied to Tamar the title of prostitute is clearly meant as an insult and judgement of her character. Men are allowed to engage sex-workers but women are not allowed to engage in sex-work. These double standards continue today in our treatment of women who embrace their sexuality, and/or who engage in sex work.
Despite all that, this story is a favourite of mine because after two less than ideal marriages, Tamar takes matters into her own hands, has sex outside of marriage, and is judged as more worthy than the man who is happy to use her for his own ends then condemn her. Tamar is another eshet-chayil, a woman of valour whose story we would do well to remember.